"Machines take me by surprise with great frequency."

- Alan Turing

Yeah, and sometimes I don't like these surprises

"Those who can imagine anything, can create the impossible."

- Alan Turing

"Sometimes it is the people who no one imagined anything of who do the things that no one can imagine"

- Alan Turing

"Most software today is very much like an Egyptian pyramid with millions of bricks piled on top of each other, with no structural integrity, but just done by brute force and thousands of slaves."

- Alan Kay

yeah, that's all modern infrastructure and it's baaad \:

"Any sufficiently advanced technology is equivalent to magic"

- Arthur C. Clarke

"I don't care if it works on your machine! We are not shipping your machine!"

- Vidiu Platon

I've said and heard this so many times

"Logic will get you from A to Z; imagination will get you everywhere."

- Albert Einstein

Sometimes you go to good places and sometimes not, and a lot of times you end up in some really weird places.

"Anyone who has never made a mistake has never tried anything new."

- Albert Einstein

So true bestie

"I have always wished for my computer to be as easy to use as my telephone; my wish has come true because I can no longer figure out how to use my telephone."

- Bjarne Stroustrup

I wish he was lying, why is this stuff so complicated now, I don't need all this shit

"A program that has not been tested does not work."

- Bjarne Stroustrup

Schrödinger's program as long as you don't test it, it is both functional and broken

"C makes it easy to shoot yourself in the foot; C++ makes it harder, but when you do it blows your whole leg off."

- Bjarne Stroustrup

I've seen horrors beyond my comprehension

"Measuring programming progress by lines of code is like measuring aircraft building progress by weight."

- Bill Gates

"Privacy is an inherent human right, and a requirement for maintaining the human condition with dignity and respect."

- Bruce Schneier

No one has rights anymore

"It is poor civic hygiene to install technologies that could someday facilitate a police state."

- Bruce Schneier

our hygiene is long gone

"A common mistake that people make when trying to design something completely foolproof is to underestimate the ingenuity of complete fools."

- Douglas Adams

Like the trash bins in yellow stone, bears shouldn't be able to open it but people should, and the stupidity of man overlaps with the ingenuity of bears.

"Raise your quality standards as high as you can live with, avoid wasting your time on routine problems, and always try to work as closely as possible at the boundary of your abilities. Do this, because it is the only way of discovering how that boundary should be moved forward."

- Edsger Wybe Dijkstra

If only more people thought like that

"Walking on water and developing software from a specification are easy if both are frozen."

- Edward V. Berard

I'm so angry at middle managers

"If it's a good idea, go ahead and do it. It's much easier to apologize than it is to get permission."

- Grace Hopper

say "Teehee" and they might forgive you easier or stab you, it's really 50/50 on that one

"Hardware: the parts of a computer that can be kicked."

- Jeff Pesis

and you should kick them

"Nothing is consistent and everything is garbage"

- Freya Holmér

sadly it seems the garbage is on fire...

"Nah pi is overrated, 3 is like good enough"

- Oliver Bolt

every physics teacher ever

"Gamers are lazy fucktards"

- Krister Cederlund

HEY! you're not wrong but HEY!

"I try to write comments that my future self might find useful. So yeah, clarifying the concept of addition is sometimes necessary."

- Evan Brown

as mentioned above: Teehee

"Everything is trash, it's just about finding the right trash for you"

- Freya Holmér

are we raccoons now ? (don't answer that)

"It's like making a car out of a bathtub and then using as a bathtub again"

- Simon Lundmark

this is a great analogy, but imagine how cool it would be to have a car as a bathtub.

"It doesn't matter what you know, what matters is when you know"

- Kathy Sierra

in both cases I have no clue what I'm doing, but at least I'm trying

"Most of you are familiar with the virtues of a programmer. There are three, of course: laziness, impatience, and hubris."

- Larry Wall

"Talk is cheap. Show me the code."

- Linus Torvalds

I would rather not, only god and myself knew what it meant when it was written and we have long forgotten

"In many cases the user interface to a program is the most important part for a commercial company: whether the programs works correctly or not seems to be secondary"

- Linus Torvalds

yeah, and they're really annoying about that.

"Software is like sex; it's better when it's free."

- Linus Torvalds

"Always code as if the guy who ends up maintaining your code will be a violent psychopath who knows where you live."

- Martin Fowler

what if I am the psycho?

"People said I should accept the world. Bullshit! I don't accept the world."

- Richard Stallman

and you shouldn't

"Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the universe trying to build bigger and better idiots. So far, the universe is winning."

- Rick Cook

Update: the universe is still winning and I wish it would calm down a little.

"Good code is its own best documentation. As you’re about to add a comment, ask yourself, ‘How can I improve the code so that this comment isn’t needed?"

- Steve McConnell

the comments are mostly for me since I completely forget what the hel it is that I did

"There are two ways of constructing a software design: One way is to make it so simple that there are obviously no deficiencies, and the other way is to make it so complicated that there are no obvious deficiencies. The first method is far more difficult."

- Tony Hoare

or just don't look at it too closely, "what you can't see can't hurt you" - some guy that got hurt by something he couldn't see

(: